It has all gone

It has all gone. The buildings and their walls, the ground and its plants, the heaven and its dew; all have gone away from me. They are present but are empty without meaning, the things of this world. My eyes are full of seeing and my ears are full of hearing. Close their channels for I wish to have no more pleasure. The dawn comes when I hope for eternal night, and the days are cold and wearisome. I yearn to stop the seconds and to hold into the night my fleeting peace before the world stirs. How has this come to be? Such distress and hopelessness without cause are troubling to consider when there are still so many days to come. You, dark depression, why have you come for me? Why have learned my name, the lowest in the earth, what could I give to you. I am dim and slow of speech, I am a shadow in the wake of earths glory. Of all the mighty men to engage, you have chosen the least to destroy. Was your mouth opened bearing sharpened teeth dripping drops of want for my flesh the day I was born? Were your claws clenched into the palms that you hoped would be filled with my sorrow? Why have you come to me to make all things to be filled with thick despair? Be away from me!

 

Take me away…

Take me away from here. Kill me in my sleep. Stop my mouth and close my lungs. In love take me away from here.

All the world is as fire to me. I am hurting, I am badly burned. I can not explain this feeling. It is deafening. I can’t think anymore or see very far. I am so sad, I know despair.

Take me away from here. Please God Kill me in my sleep. Please God stop my heart. Please God make me sleep forever. Take me away from here.

Everything is so loud and full of chaos. They make no sense to me, people make no sense to me. I can not connect with one, not a single person. Where is peace, and where is love without depth? It is lost in this place. I can’t keep up, things are moving too fast. The days fall into themselves with out rest.

Take me away from here. Pull me out of my body gently. Take my hand and sit me up to leave this flesh behind. Make time complete and bring me to the day of my death now. Bring it to me now. Take me away from here.

The simplest tasks are greuling, normal things that must be done cause me great distress. I can’t do these things when my mind is screaming. What is causing this, where has it come from? When will it end. My heart is as high as polaris and as deep as the depths of the earth. It is an open wound.

Take me away from here.

I am a shell. I am no one, I wouldn’t recognize myself in a crowd. I am a blowing reed.

I abandon myself and disassociate so that I might escape this pain. I watch myself watching myself watching myself…